the swells

how gratitude + love find their way in ...

“I’m so tired.” At this point, I’ve said it so many times that we both know it’s my baseline - always tired. Even the air knows it. 

My husband hears from the other room and makes his way to where I’m at in the kitchen. He pulls me near, wrapping me up in a hug. “Did the boy wake you up early?” his voice muffles and nuzzles its way into my hair. 

I let the question dissolve into my tangled locks and instead choose to relish the warmth of his body, the completeness I feel in his arms. 

We linger entwined for a few minutes until the little clap of bare feet echoes from around the corner. The owner of the feet stops at our legs and beckons up at us, “num nums?”

“I got this. You go nap or something.” He kisses my head and sends me off while scooping up our son. I hear the snack drawer open as I walk down the hallway. 

The swell of gratitude and love catches me by surprise like they always do. I let the sweetness of the moment carry me into sleep. 

* * *

I’m cleaning the kitchen sink that has bits of chili and last night’s enchiladas crusted to the bottom. As I scrub, I think about our first apartment when we got married.

It was a nightmare-ish place.

And in some ways, the state of the apartment complex reflected our new marriage. The disagreements + fights were as frequent of visitors as the cockroaches that plagued our building. The stubbornness + lack of willingness to compromise clung to us like the smell of cigarettes that embedded itself in every wall. The alarms of hopelessness (mostly on my end. Ok, all on my end) lurked as often as the cop cars patrolling the complex.

The smell of lemon cleaner jolts my mind back to scrubbing the sink. While I swish cold water on the parts I’ve scoured, the tingle of gratitude + love washes over me.

* * *

He has The Rings of Power paused on the screen so I can grab a blanket. It’s close to midnight but we’re determined to spend some time together after putting the little one to bed. I stop at the freezer on my way back. “Do you want some ice cream?” I bend down to see if he heard me through the break in the cabinets.

“Always,” he responds with a boyish grin.

I open both of our ice cream bars and toss the crinkly wrappers into the trash. I’m met with another swell of gratitude + love.

Even when the days are long for us both (in very different ways), we still find a way to be together. To make it work. To grow our love.

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This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "Love After Babies".